Life After Birth

I know its been quite a while since I've updated my blog, so there is A LOT to catch you up on!

Lyla's father once again disappeared. I havent heard from him since I was 35 weeks, so its been over a month. At my 38 week check up, I had high blood pressure so my Dr. wanted to see me back on that friday (2 days later) to monitor my blood pressure. So I went back on Friday and my bp was still elevated, so my Dr. decided that she wanted to induce on that following Tuesday. SO.... even though he wasnt responding to my text messages or phone calls, I went ahead and sent him a text to let him know that Lyla was going to be born on 08.17.10, a week before her due date! ... I got nothing in return and have yet to hear from him. SOO needless to say i'm washing my hands of the situation. Its his loss... he will NEVER know how wonderful his daughter is!

On a happier note... I indeed delivered Lyla Rey Bouchan at 1:45 pm on 08.17.10 and she weighed in at 6 lbs 9 oz and was 19 " long!! That was the happiest moment of my life. I never knew I could love someone so much instantly! My labor was pretty easy, thank God! I was admitted on Monday night at 8 pm, and they started pitocin at 5 am Tuesday morning. My contractions starting coming pretty intensly about an hour later and my Dr. broke my water around 9:30. I finally broke down and asked for my epidural at around 11:45, and at that time I was only 3 cm dilated. I took a nap and woke up about 1:15 and my nurse checked me and said "wow... youre 10 cm... its time to have a baby"! So i pushed for about 30 min and she was here!!!

She's been here for 10 days now and I could not imagine my life without her! She is the love of my life and my pure reason existing. Motherhood is def stressful and I'm learning new things everyday, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I will gladly sacrifice a few hours of sleep and my social life for that little girl! She makes life worth living. I finally understand what my mom has been telling me all these years. (Dont tell her I said that though haha)

Well this entry is pretty lengthy so I'll cut it off here. I'll keep updating y'all on my journey into motherhood. Please pray for me and Lyla as we both go through this together. Keep reading... we love you all... and God Bless!

REALLY?!?!

SO... I had my 30 week check up today, and everything went well... or so I thought!
First of all... Nick showed up to this apt... shocker! BUT my momma was there with me too, to make sure there was no drama! Lord knows thats the LAST thing I need. But anyways, late last night at around 1:30, I started to have what I thought were contractions! My whole stomach got really tight and hard and I had pain on both sides of my stomach that lasted about 30 - 45 seconds. Theses were happening every 7-8 min... yikes! At one point I even felt a little pressure... umm... ya know... down in that region, so I was freaked out! But luckily it only lasted until 2 am.

So, I told my dr. about all that she reassured me that it was nothing but Braxton-Hicks contractions. She also told me that I should start feeling those more and more as I get farther along. An internal exam was done as well just to be on the safe side... and I'm in the clear! Thank God!!!

When I left the apt I was in such a good mood... my baby girl was healthy... Momma and I went to lunch... Nick didnt cause any drama! It was a pretty good morning! UNTIL... I'm sitting at home looking over stuff for Cordblood Banking and I get a phone call from the dr's office. The nurse on the phone told me that my gestational diabetes test came back abnormal and that i needed to schedule another test to be done with a blood lab.

WHAT?!?! She must be joking right?! She told me that she had been trying to get in contact with me since MAY... (I was furious), I nicely asked her to please read off the number that she had been calling and not to my suprise... it was my old number. It was the number they had down for an ALTERNATE number.

Why is it that she would call the ALTERNATE number instead of the PRIMARY number?!!!! Someone please tell me how that makes sense! UGH! IF i do indeed have gestational diabetes... that means its been going untreated for the past 6 weeks! I am soooo mad! So now I have to do more tests at this other office... but just my luck... cant get the other office to call me back!

My great day quickly turned into stress city!!! I mean dont these people know that these babies are our lives?! I wouldnt be able to forgive myself if anything happened to Lyla while she was inside of my tummy. UGH!

ANYWAYS... I'll quit venting now. Thanks for listening though!!! I'll keep y'all updated on what happens with the tests.

OH... heres a cute little piece of news... Everytime I sing... Lyla doesnt move at all, but when I stop singing... she goes crazy!!!! hehehe precious angel!

Keep reading and as always... God Bless! I love you all!!!

28 week Doctor apt

First of all, I woke up this morning and looked down at my feet and started crying! I thought someone swapped my feet for a fat woman's feet. I don't think I have ever seen my ankles that swollen and my toes looked like little cocktail weenies!!! UGH! It was awful!!! Not to mention that I had to bend forward to even SEE my toes... I'm so ready to have my body back!

On the up side... the Dr apt went really well! Lyla is absolutely perfect! They did an ultra sound to check for tumors and did not find a single one! My mom was 7 months pregnant with me when they found tumors on my ovaries. So we're in the clear!!!! I can breathe a sigh of relief!

The baby's father never showed up to the apt this morning. Not really all that surprised though. When I finally got a hold of him, he said that he was downtown doing a photo shoot. Was he serious?!?! He said he forgot that today was Wednesday and that he thought it was Tuesday. I don't buy that, but it doesn't really matter! I'm not going to let him take my joy away. I am going to have a precious baby girl in 12 weeks and no one is going to stand in the way of my happiness!!! :)

So now I will start going to the Dr. every two weeks until the 9Th month, when I go every week at that point. I cant wait to meet my little Lyla, she's going to be so beautiful!

I will continue to keep you all updated! Thanks for reading... Continue to pray, and God Bless. I love you all!

7 Months!

So, as the title to this blog entry clearly states... I am 7 months pregnant today! What a crazy 7 months this has been! It seems like only yesterday I was reading "pregnant" on the pregnancy test, and now my sweet baby girl will be here in just over 2 months.

I didn't know it was possible to love anything this much. She's not even here yet and already I'm in love with her. Heading into my third trimester, I'm becoming more and more uncomfortable. Her little feet are always under my ribs and her head is pressing down wards... NOT the best feeling in the world... but its the price I am more than willing to pay.

I always cry when I think about the fact that she'll never get to meet her grandfather... but the reality of it is... he's already held her in his arms. He knows her... he's seen her little face. I am finally able to have peace in my heart. Lately I have been dreaming about her delivery and every time, my dad is there. When that day finally arrives... it'll be bitter sweet.

On a happier note... I have the absolute best friends and family in the entire world! They have been nothing but supportive through this whole process. I am pretty much doing it on my own (baby's father isn't really around), and I don't know where I would be with out them. My mother is my rock and foundation! If it weren't for her... I'm pretty sure I would have lost my mind a long time ago ha ha. My three best friends, Katie, Samantha and Heather, have also kept me grounded. ANY time my hormones get the best of me... they have no qualms about letting me know I'm being crazy and I need to tone it down a notch ;)

If you're reading this, Mom, Katie, Samantha, or Heather... I love you so much. Thank you for being the best support system anyone could ever ask for. You ladies are all my angels sent from Heaven. I would be lost without you!

So, I guess this blog will turn into my adventures of being pregnant and my journey into motherhood! I will write more later, I have a doctors apt on Wednesday, so I will keep you updated. Keep reading... and as always... God Bless!

Days Like These

So, I thought the days where I cry uncontrolably were over... I guess not. Yesterday was the 5 month mark of my dad's death... when does it get easier? We're moving on with our lives, but then something will trigger it... a song... a picture... a memory... and the heartache starts all over again. I hate this.

Why is it that when people tell me "It will be ok", or "It will get better", I get so angry? I know they're right, but unless they've gone through the hell that I'm living right now, how could they possibly know? Will the anger ever subside? It doesnt seem to be possible.

Its days like these that I want to just crawl under a rock and never come out. Is that selfish? I suppose it is. But there are SO many things happening in my life that I would normally share with my dad... and now I can't. Even though I know he is sharing them with me spiritually, I'm going to be selfish and say thats not good enough. Some of you might not understand where I'm coming from, and thats ok. No one could fully understand the relationship I had with my daddy unless they got to witness it first hand. There is nothing we couldnt talk about, nothing he wouldnt do for me, nothing we couldnt overcome as a family. I am the person I am today because of him.

Thats where all this emotion comes from. I know these blog entries are depressing... but this is where I let it out. I don't like spilling this to any one particular person because I feel like its my burden. Everyone else has their own problems, how selfish do I have to be to ask someone to stop what they're doing to listen to MY issues. That just doesnt seem fair at all. So I write.

Thank you to all of you who follow my blog and read about my venting and my day to day hardships. Maybe these other people are right... it will get better and it will be ok. I guess only time will tell.

God Bless you all.

Moving On...

Wow, its been quite a while since I've written anything. The last blog I posted was written two days before my dad passed away... the hardest day of my entire life.
Since then a lot has happened... I found out a week after his passing that I was pregnant. I am currently 6 months pregnant with a precious baby girl. She will be a little piece of my daddy here on Earth.
After my dad died, I was so angry. I didn't (and still don't) understand why God took him so early. I allowed myself to wander away from God because I blamed Him for my pain. I still have pain and I hurt everyday, but I now understand that God will never keep us here on this earth one second longer than we're suppose to be. He needed my daddy to come home more than we needed him here.
Words can not even begin to describe the pain and heartache I feel everyday. If its possible, I miss him more and more everyday. I wonder if he can see me... if he's proud of me... if he's watching over my mom and masson... if he's already held his granddaughter...
I don't have the luxury of grieving like most people are able to because I have to worry about staying positive and happy to keep my daughter happy. If it wasn't for her, I would be a mess. When I wake up in the mornings, the hole in my heart is still there, but it doesn't hurt as much when I feel her kick.

I can only hope and pray to be half the parent my dad and mom were to me growing up, and even still. He was and still is the most incredible man I have ever known. Even though he's not here with me physically... I can feel him every time the wind blows... when a Beatles song comes on the radio... when I just close my eyes. He lives on in my heart... he will live on in my daughter, Lyla REY Bouchan... he will live on in Masson as he prepares to go over seas (Semper Fi Mase).

I still stand by my statement in my previous blog... I feel sorry for those of you who never had the privilege of knowing him. He was and amazing man, father, husband, son and brother. While my family still heals... please continue to pray and if I can pass on the most valuable lesson that I have learned... it would be that God's plan is perfect. Never forget that.

This blog will turn into something different... perhaps it will be about my journey into motherhood. But as always... Keep reading and God Bless all of you. We love you... each of you have a special place in the hearts of the Bouchan family...

Here Comes Goodbye...

I believe the title of this blog says it all...

A few days ago, dad was in a lot of pain and his stomach was very swollen and filled with fluid. He wasn't able to keep anything down... not even water...
After a full night of him vomiting every hour, he finally decided to allow us to take him to the hospital.

They admitted him at M.D. Anderson two days ago. The fluid was stomach acid and blood... causing him horrible acid reflux which then caused him to vomit... my poor daddy. The doctors and nurses have all been wonderful... they inserted at tube up his nose and down his throat, all the way to his stomach to drain out all the fluid. All he's been able to eat/drink is ice chips (and he loves it). The tube has really helped a lot, he is no pain and very comfortable... except for the tube in his throat.

So... we received word that daddy is fading quickly... its only a matter of a couple weeks now... IF we're lucky. He's ok... he's at peace with it, but me and my family on the other hand are a different story. I am so angry and upset with God right now (i know i shouldn't be), for taking my daddy too early!!! There is still so much for him to see... for him to experience. Its not fair. I don't understand... This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do... to say goodbye to my daddy... to watch my mother loose the love of her life... to not hear Beatles music on Saturday mornings... to not see him dancing and being silly... to not see him....

What am I suppose to do? I don't mean to be selfish... I don't want him to suffer anymore. His poor body has suffered enough. He deserves to be at peace... but I don't know how to say goodbye. I am not prepared for the time to come...

I want to thank all of you who read my blog and keep updated on my daddy and for your prayers and support... My family and I want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts... We love you all so much. And directly from my dad ... "thank you".

For those of you who didn't have the privilege of knowing my father... he is an AMAZING man, husband, son, brother, father and Marine. He is the best man I know... he is my hero... he is the person I look up to the most in this entire world... he's my daddy.

Even though his battle is coming to an end... we still need all the prayer we can get for this up and coming hard time.

Once again... thank you all so much from the bottom of our hearts... We love you all...

I will write more as his condition progresses... Please keep reading and keep praying... God Bless you all!