Moving On...

Wow, its been quite a while since I've written anything. The last blog I posted was written two days before my dad passed away... the hardest day of my entire life.
Since then a lot has happened... I found out a week after his passing that I was pregnant. I am currently 6 months pregnant with a precious baby girl. She will be a little piece of my daddy here on Earth.
After my dad died, I was so angry. I didn't (and still don't) understand why God took him so early. I allowed myself to wander away from God because I blamed Him for my pain. I still have pain and I hurt everyday, but I now understand that God will never keep us here on this earth one second longer than we're suppose to be. He needed my daddy to come home more than we needed him here.
Words can not even begin to describe the pain and heartache I feel everyday. If its possible, I miss him more and more everyday. I wonder if he can see me... if he's proud of me... if he's watching over my mom and masson... if he's already held his granddaughter...
I don't have the luxury of grieving like most people are able to because I have to worry about staying positive and happy to keep my daughter happy. If it wasn't for her, I would be a mess. When I wake up in the mornings, the hole in my heart is still there, but it doesn't hurt as much when I feel her kick.

I can only hope and pray to be half the parent my dad and mom were to me growing up, and even still. He was and still is the most incredible man I have ever known. Even though he's not here with me physically... I can feel him every time the wind blows... when a Beatles song comes on the radio... when I just close my eyes. He lives on in my heart... he will live on in my daughter, Lyla REY Bouchan... he will live on in Masson as he prepares to go over seas (Semper Fi Mase).

I still stand by my statement in my previous blog... I feel sorry for those of you who never had the privilege of knowing him. He was and amazing man, father, husband, son and brother. While my family still heals... please continue to pray and if I can pass on the most valuable lesson that I have learned... it would be that God's plan is perfect. Never forget that.

This blog will turn into something different... perhaps it will be about my journey into motherhood. But as always... Keep reading and God Bless all of you. We love you... each of you have a special place in the hearts of the Bouchan family...